Hidden In Plain Sight

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I find it interesting that we hide and tuck away the parts of us that are so prevalent to someone else. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, you’re revealing something to them and they’re response is, “I know”? If you’re not ready the response can be quite annoying but if you have people close enough to you that create a safe space, that’s golden. 

I’ve realized that sometimes the last person to see us is ourselves. It’s easy to go “Inward” but a challenge to do  our “Inner-Work”. This thought process takes me to when I was a child. My favorite game was Hide & Seek. I loved searching for a dark quiet place to hide, unsuspecting enough to not be found...but did I really not want to be found? Of course I did. I wanted to be discovered and once I was I came out gladly with anticipation of then being the one to discover my playmate. I never met a kid in all those times we played that game who never wanted to be searched for and found. There’s no purpose to the game without the solution to it, right? Lost & Found, Hide & Seek. Just my take on it anyway. 

Happy Wednesday Everyone. I hope someone finds you today.

With Love,

Billie

Doing It Scared

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This quote resonates so deep within me. It causes me to reflect on the times in my life when I have been afraid, which is more than I can count. I, like many people have lived my life through a filter of fear. Afraid to make a decision, let go of something or someone, say yes, afraid to make a mistake, say no, start over or begin something completely new. Whatever it is we all have these moments but how we handle the fear is what changes us and defines who we are going to be.

I had a big “Fear” moment a few years ago that I fought vigorously. It was something I knew I needed to do but it was going to be hard and I didn’t want to be uncomfortable. In the end though, I took a deep breath and said “Ok, I’ll do it scared”. My decision took me through quite a journey of stretching, growing and testing me far beyond what I was initially even afraid of. It was really hard and at times I was so close to giving up but I stuck it out and pushed through the process. After a while I began to enjoy it and without my noticing, the fear dissipated and I was changed. It made sense to me that diamonds are produced only through great pressure and that there’s a hard unglamorous process of chipping away at layer upon layer of hard rock until the stone is revealed. I understood that being consistent and showing up anyway, no matter how I felt, produced integrity, strength and character.

Needless to say, that was a defining fear moment for me and quite frankly prepared me for the next one and the one after that. I get called to more and more, things that I actually want and others that I’m completely terrified of. That’s life. Now my practice is pausing, taking that deep breath and whispering to myself “Ok, I’m gonna do it scared”.

Billie

Journey To The Eiffel...

 Eiffel Tower, Paris France

Eiffel Tower, Paris France

So this moment is on the other side of a loooong trek. Sissy and I decided to walk from the Louvre to the Eiffel Tower. This seemed like a perfect idea as we’d give ourselves a chance to walk, explore and take in all the beauty Paris so stunningly gives. Our only problem was we didn’t have a map or reliable Wi-Fi to help guide us. All we had to go by was the tip of the Eiffel in the distance. 

We walked and enjoyed and walked some more. We kept walking and walking and walking... Were we ever going to get there? We had walked too far to turn back but the tower still seemed to be so far away. We had managed to get lost between streets and it was getting later in the evening. Quite frankly we began to focus more on the fact that we we’re lost and that it was getting dark than on the promise of making it to the Eiffel.  We just kept walking, looking up and trusting we were going in the right direction. 

Eventually we turned down this quaint little cobblestone street, walked up about 50 paces and Voila! Out of nowhere we were standing right at the base of the Eiffel. No tourist, no noise, just a beautiful intimate treasure of a moment just for us to sit in and capture. 

We’d never seen this side of the tower before. The times we previously visited were overwhelmed by a see of tourist and vendors but this, this was special. This was a gift. 

I couldn’t help but thank God for the moment. I couldn’t help but see it as a metaphor for life and my current season. God reveals promises to us but then we must journey towards it. Halfway through we want to give up, it seems so far away. Things begin to dim and the promise is almost unrecognizable. We want to quite but we’ve come too far to give up so all there is left to do is trust and give in to the process. We can’t focus on the fear or the distractions around us. We must look up and stay focused on the promise, trusting blindly and exercising our faith. All of a sudden when you least expect it you find yourself there, safe and sound, in the moment and in the promise. It’s better than you could have ever imagined and then you realize that every twist and turn and every decision you thought was wrong or got you off track actually contributed to you getting where you needed to be. You realize that you were being both pushed and guided all along by a sovereign hand. 

The magnitude of it brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. I’m so thankful, so very thankful. 

With Love,

Billie

 

Surrender

 Featured: Jimmie Gorget | Jimmie Cuff | Ahjah Cuff

Featured: Jimmie Gorget | Jimmie Cuff | Ahjah Cuff

Surrender and letting go is scary and yet liberating all at the same time. It is an exposure of vulnerability and honesty we seldom as humans want to confront and explore. It takes courage, guts and trust. It takes being ok with outcomes and relinquishing pride and control and realizing that you never actually were in control in the first place. Surrender puts an emphasis on how small we are and yet how big it is of us to choose it.

I have found that right when I think I’ve mastered surrender, I am presented with an opportunity to become a student all over again. It never ends, It’s a journey. It’s the same with being honest. You don’t look up one day and arrive at being an honest person, you choose it every day just like integrity.

Surrender always feels big even on small things. It’s never easy but over time I can see how far I’ve come and that it has become a lifestyle for me. This Year has challenged me more than ever and I’ve had some pretty challenging years in the past. This year though, I have had to let go without the opportunity to say goodbye. I have had to surrender big things, heart things, deepest desires, even myself and just trust.  It has been quite a ride but what I know for sure is that when I checked my heart, it’s intentions and decided to surrender all the things out of my control I can rest in the fact that all is ok and will be well. I surrender all. 

Billie